What about the in-between

By Amarachukwu Okpunobi

There is a right way of doing things and there is a wrong way. Has anyone thought of the best way??

There is white and there is black. What about other colours?

There are two points, A and B. But there is a distance between them. What about it?

There are two extremes. What about the in-between?

There is left and right. What about middle?

Must it be the two extremes? Surely, we shouldn’t be forced to accept just two options!

The world has no formula, life doesn’t come with a manual. I think we should be allowed to explore our options. If the set down rules are too rigorous, we should be allowed to try other means we deem fit, so long as nobody gets hurt. That way, we get to test our abilities. Geniuses are made from trials and not conformation!!

Dear youngster, try other methods. Live, don’t exist.

Someone I know said that living is not for the feeble-minded. Everybody is alive, breathing and moving, basic biological processes taking place and all, but only a few are living. That it takes a lot of courage to live. That you have to be blind to some things and deaf to some things in order to live. Take a different good path. Give your dreams a chance to actualise. Go against the norms if you feel it’s better. Don’t be restricted. Refuse to be limited by two options.

Let me tell you another story…

My friend, Amara, got married immediately she left secondary school. Her husband is a businessman at Onitsha main market. Before marriage, all she wanted was to live out her youth, go to the university, get a job and build a home, and be a happy woman. Her mother didn’t support the idea of getting married when one wants to. According to her ” why waste your time when you can still do everything after marriage?”.

According to her ” why waste your time when you can still do everything after marriage?”.

Amara is married with three children today because her mother ‘knows best’. But her mother never knew that she wouldn’t do all those things after marriage. She didn’t go back to school, she doesn’t have a job, she only got married and built a home. My friend mourns her ‘would-have-been life. Her siblings are living what would have been her life. She was used to test the waters. A risky experiment that crashed on her.

Life is so hard. Sometimes you can’t even live your own life; you have to live other people’s dream in the guise of them wanting the best for you . Oftentimes, living out your dreams is so difficult because the society points out a way for you which you may not like but they keep telling you “that’s the way it’s done”.

But to tell you the truth, being yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you someone else is a great accomplishment.

You alone have the power to change yourself. Don’t let anyone tell you how to run your life; it may work for them and not work for you. Just be careful and ensure that you are on the right path.

Keep striving!

Keep living !!

Be yourself; you are unique!!!

You are the best version of your kind.

Broken Women

There are so many groups and pages on Facebook for women. Daughters of Chimamanda (feminists) are springing up like weeds in the rainy season, telling us how to live, what to take and what not.

So many seminars, webinars, workshops have been organised by men and women, for women, to teach them the expectations of relationships and how to carry themselves like queens.

To what end?

So that broken women will learn to love themselves again, be courageous enough to seek love again, to pick up the fragments of their lives and fix them, to look at life from the bright side.

So that unbroken women will learn from the mistakes of the broken women, look before they leap and be courageous in taking their stands in life.

All the these are wonderful reasons and many have finally become whole again. Many are breaking new grounds and are doing marvelously well.

But there’s a problem. There are a lot of heavily concocted lies and misleading stories on those groups. In a bid to ‘support each other’, women don’t tell themselves the truth. They are in a competition to tell the most horrible story and how devilish men are.

These things make me sad. Many relationships have been destroyed because Miss B said that you should not take ‘shit’ from men and Miss A said that you should run your relationship in a particular way. Nsogbu adiro.  We will see the end of it all.

Until then, women should tell themselves the truth and stop looking for trouble where there is none.

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