The Animal Kingdom on Revenge

By order of creation, animals are older than human beings. God created all animals on land, in the sea and on the air before He created man and woman. As I was driving out the other day, a local male cow blocked my route by sitting in the middle of the narrow road. It was relaxing and chewing its curd. I blew the horn more than one hundred times but the cow did not bother to get away. I stood from a distance and sprinkled Holy Water at it, in case it was an evil spirit in a cow’s flesh. It did not make any move. Then I threw pebbles at it and it turned its head and red eyes fiercely at me. The adrenalin of fear seized me. It was mid morning. One thought came into me instantly. I rushed towards the cow’s face and greeted, “Good morning my senior brother cow. I salute you because God created you before me. Please do not be annoyed. Kindly let me pass. I do not wish to harm you.” The cow smiled at me and got up. It walked a short distance further and disappeared into a nearby bush. Animals are our elders. They deserve our respect.
In the Garden of Eden, Adam and Eve were living harmoniously with all the animals, wild and tamed. Both species were enjoying the comfort of life in Paradise. But after the fall of man, things fell apart. Man began to hunt the animals as food. On the other hand, some of the animals became wild and started to devour human beings and the lower animals. We began to treat the animals cruelly. We kill them anyhow and use them for burnt sacrifices. We use them for experiment and for sports. Can you imagine the number of animals ranging from cows, goats, sheep, dogs, fowls and bush animals that are being slaughtered daily at abattoirs and at our various hotels and homes? The hunters pursue the animals into their forestry abodes to slaughter them cruelly without provocation. Even those animals that are offered in the church sometimes end up in the kitchen of men and women of God. I blame my cook and my boys for the killing of fowls that are used to cook food for us ministers of God. Personally I eat the meat after preparation. I have never taken part in the slaughtering. Am I also responsible for the blood of the slaughtered fowls? Please help me in prayers because I am doing my best to be a vegetarian in order to avoid eating the flesh of animals.
We ought to be friendly to animals. Often we even kill those animals and insects that are harmless. Yesterday I came across a boy who killed a lizard going about its normal business. After killing it, the boy in question left it in the middle of a highway to be smashed by a fast moving vehicle. When I saw the wicked act, I quickly came down from my car and pursued the boy. Luckily I got him. I gave him 12 lashes of the cane for being wicked to a harmless animal. Since I started driving, I have only killed two lizards unintentionally as they were innocently crossing the highway. I felt bad about it. Whenever I see a harmless animal crossing the road, I normally slow down and avoid running over it. As I was travelling to Onitsha last week, the lorry in front of me crushed a dog that wanted to run across the road. The lovely dog died at the spot. I stopped at the scene and observed one minute silence for the annihilated dog. Was I wise or foolish?
Recently, the land, air and aquatic animals met for one week in their kingdom to deliberate over the cruelty being perpetrated on them by human beings whom God created after them. The tamed and wild animals narrated their tearful experiences in the hands of men and women all over the world from time immemorial. They regretted that some species of animals have been wiped out from the face of the earth. To worsen the situation, some of the wild animals have also killed lower animals and consumed them raw. The chairman of the animal assembly beckoned on those wild animals to stop the cannibalism. They were advised to eat grasses like the rest of the animals. This advice takes effect from January 2018 so that those carnivorous animals can adjust gradually to grass consumption.
The animal kingdom meeting came to its climax when it was unanimously decided that the animals must jointly fight the menace being inflicted on them by humanity. Death penalty was imposed on any animal that would divulge this decision to humanity. The meeting came to a close with a touching prayer said by the fowl, who has suffered mostly from the hands of human beings. It is through inspiration that the information was revealed to me. Please do not tell the animals about this. I am sure that they can neither read nor write. Therefore, keep your fingers crossed.
The animal versus humanity war is already ragging. It began with bird flu. The birds poisoned themselves so that when they are killed and consumed by humans, the result is the terminal disease called bird flu. Many animal farmers have closed their poultry farms due to the fear of this terminal disease. We cannot fool the animals at all times. Self defence is a right reserved for animals and human beings. Beware of bird flu. Many have gone. Prevention is better than cure! Before I eat the meat of any bird these days, I sprinkle it with Holy Water and say the prayer of Exorcism over it. Life, they say, has no duplicate.
As we are battling with bird flu, the rats went abroad and came back with a more dangerous and terminal disease known as Lassa fever. It was discovered for the first time in 1969 in a town called Lassa in Borno State of Nigeria, when a nurse in a mission hospital died of a mysterious disease, which was later diagnosed as Lassa fever. The virus responsible for this disease is Lassa virus. Rats transmit this dangerous disease to humanity. A forth night ago, a rat came into my apartment uninvited. I saw it ascending as I was descending the stair case. I raised an alarm for it to run away. Instead of retreating, it persisted in climbing the steps towards my direction. I started to retreat, because you must run away if you see a fowl pursuing you early in the morning. It might have developed some teeth at night. As if it was a joke, the rat in question started to pursue me. I ran towards the balcony. It followed me bumper to bumper. I was shouting, “Back to send! Back to sender!!” Then I took a great risk in jumping down from the one storey building. Is it not better to sustain an injury than to contact Lassa fever from the rat? God being so kind, I escaped unhurt. The symptoms of Lassa fever include weakness, headaches, fever and general malaise. In its later stage, the victim experiences facial swelling and shock. Then blood oozes from the eyes, gums, nose and other orifices. The carrier also suffers from vomiting, respiratory distress, pain in the back, chest and abdomen. Death results after multiple organ failure.
As we are confronting the Lassa fever disease, the Ebola disease (EVD) or Ebola hemorrhagic fever (EHF) broke out. It is a terminal disease caused by the Ebola virus, which is an invisible living organism. Ebola can be acquired upon contact with blood, urine, semen, saliva or bodily fluids of an infected person or animal. It is infectious and deadly. Symptoms manifest two to three days after contacting the virus with fever, sore throat, muscle pains and headaches. Later nausea, vomiting and diarrhea follow, along with decreased functioning of the liver and kidneys. Bleeding begins at this point. Then death is imminent. Ebola is incurable. Many have gone.
Last week I was in a filling station to refill my car’s empty tank. Two sales girls were quarreling over a matter I did not know about. They were exchanging words and cursing each other. One of them called the other Lassa fever. The other retaliated furiously in these words: “Look at you foolish Ebola!” I left my change with one of the sales girls and quickly drove away before being infected by the invoked Lassa fever and the Ebola deadly disease. A certain widow had two children who maltreated her. Due to their wickedness she nicknamed one of them Lassa fever, and the other Ebola. Have you Lassa or Ebola in human form in your family or neighbourhood? If yes, please be very careful because life has no duplicate! Look around and inform me quickly so that I can quarantine you in God’s house?
The theory of Evolution teaches that human beings descended from monkeys. Man and monkey have common ancestor. The Bible on the other hand teaches that God created human beings directly from the soil of the earth and breathed life into them. Whatever is the case, it is indisputable that God is the creator of man and monkey. Human beings and monkeys have some similarities. The main difference is that man is a rational animal while monkey is an irrational animal. However, monkey is superior in the order of creation. A certain man nicknamed his wife ‘monkey’ just to provoke her. Whenever he wanted to give her something, he always said for instance, “Monkey, come and take money for buying foodstuff.” The woman disliked being called monkey but she had to accept the money due to hardship on her own part. Do monkey and money not sound alike? If you love money, you are likely to love monkey as well. The man who calls his wife monkey is the husband of a monkey. Their children are monkeys’ children. Isn’t it? Some people hunt monkeys for meat. The monkeys have learnt how to defend themselves in many ways and by all means. Currently the monkeys came up with a disease called monkey-pox as a weapon against the menace posed by human beings against the monkeys. This disease resembles chicken pox. The symptoms are deadly big rashes all over the body. If you eat monkey, then you are liable to suffer from monkey pox. If you eat a lot of chicken, then you are likely to contact chicken pox. Prevention is better than cure!
Since after the unfortunate Fall of man from grace to grass, snakes have been the enemies of human beings till today. Most snakes are dangerous and poisonous. If you are bitten and not medically attended to with dispatch, then rest in peace. There is a specie of snake in my area that is called “Echi eteka” (Tomorrow is far). If it bites you, it is farewell from this world. So, my dear, beware of snakes!
The Nigerian Army decided to launch Operation Python Dance twice in the South-East Nigeria to deal with seen and unseen enemies of the country. The python is known for biting and not for dancing. At the two instances, as the pythons were dancing, the soldiers were shooting. Few criminals and many innocent people were killed during the process. It is highly recommended that the Operation Python Dance should be taken to the Boko Haram Terrorists and Fulani Herdsmen terrorists
As the pythons were dancing in the South-East, the crocodiles were smiling in the Niger Delta. I have never seen a crocodile smiling but killing its victims. Well, wonders shall never end! Let the python dance at Sambisa forest while the crocodile smiles in peoples’ farms nationwide to keep away the bloody Fulani herdsmen.

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