Impossibility Specialist

By Rev. Fr. Pat Amobi

Travelling is an expedient venture. Walking is the best bodily exercise. Looking around keeps the eye-balls warm. As you walk along your axis, you make discoveries as well. Thus, a few days ago I took a walk within the town where I till the soil in the Lord’s vineyard. As my two natural vehicles were moving along my route, my two eyes were viewing around. At a spot, my natural lens caught a make-shift prayer house with an attractive sign-post before it. On it was boldly inscribed in capital letters: IMPOSSIBILITY SPECIALIST. I was moved to stand still to see any impossible thing happening. Inside the open prayer house I saw from a distance a cluster of miracle seekers on their bare feet, kneeling down with two hands charismatically raised up to the heavens. The specialist, who was wearing red attire, stood on the rostrum and was making spiritual incantations. His anxious clients were chorusing, “Amen! Alleluia!”

Later he started dishing out a litany of impossibilities such as “If you don’t have money, you must become a millionaire now! If you are childless, you must become pregnant today! If you don’t have a husband, you must marry today! If you are a tenant, you must become a landlord today! If you are blind, you must see now! If you are deaf, you must hear by force! If you are short, you must grow tall now. If you are hungry, you must eat without working! If you came here today on foot, you must go home in a car of your own! If you are sick, you must become healthy immediately! If you are dead, you must come back to life instantly! If you are in hell, you must go to heaven now!” The miracle seekers were chorusing, “I claim it! May it be so!”

Wonders shall never end. Do you know that the above impossibility specialist has no car? Even his church building is a make-shift house built with rough cement blocks and roofed with old zinc? He should have commanded a golden temple to stand there. Even from a reliable source, I learnt that he and his wife of twelve years are still childless. His aged mother has been suffering from cancer while his father is down with stroke? How can he specialize in impossibility while his family members are languishing? Probably, he specializes in making the impossibility to be possible outside his domain. Please give me a cup of water to drink before I continue.

In order to experience the impossibility made possible by myself, I pretended to be deaf and dumb instantly. Then I moved towards the prayer session. One of the prayer warriors of the impossibility specialist approached me fiercely and shouted, “Stop there!” I continued to move because I was temporary deaf and dumb. He rushed and pushed me back, shouting: “Stop there! Are you mad?” I touched my ears and my lips symbolically to show that I was deaf and dumb. To express myself I brought out a biro and a piece of paper from my pocket and wrote: “Please, I am deaf and dumb. I want you, the impossibility specialist, to miraculously open my ears and to loose my tongue so that I can hear and speak just now. In addition, I want you to change my gender from male to female.” He took my paper to the impossibility specialist. He read it furiously there and then and wrote me this reply: “My power does not work without prior information. Go and fast for forty days and forty nights. Afterwards you come back and pay the impossibility fee of one hundred thousand Naira only for appeasing the demons of deafness and dumbness and for gender endowment.” One of the prayer warriors delivered the written note to me. I read it with dismay. Then, I shouted, “Stop deceiving and duping gullible people already weighed down by suffering!” The specialist and his warriors started to pursue me with machetes. Since a dead man does not give account of what happened to him, I developed wings and flew away. That’s how I walked into impossibility and possibility made it possible for me to correct falsehood and ran away for my dear life.

Today, hunger and hardship have pushed so many self imposed miracle performers into gospel business. Somewhere else, I saw an inscription in front of an old three-room apartment, which reads: “Do you need a husband? Come and get married within 24 hours.” As I was reading it with doubt, I saw two single super ladies who stopped their cars and went into the house. I stood apart for 24 hours and waited for them to come out with their miraculous husbands. After few hours I saw two men who came out alone and drove away the ladies’ cars. I later learned that the two men and their colleagues in crime raped the unsuspecting ladies beyond recognition and then stole their money and their cars. Marriage must not be by all means. Instead of being raped and killed, is it not better to remain alive and unmarried?

Have you not heard how some childless women have fallen from frying pan into fire? Often, they enter lion’s den and are devoured. An anonymous pastor specializes in giving childless women fruit of the womb. Such women are strictly warned to come to the temple of fruitfulness without their husbands. When they come, the “powerful pastor” takes them to bed for sex one after the other. Through this process some of the childless women get pregnant ‘miraculously’.

Some impossible specialists specialize in the manufacture of children for childless couples. Many of such baby factories exist nowadays. The instruments used in such factories are potent men who are paid monthly salaries. Their daily job is to impregnate fertile girls and keep them in the ware house for nine months to give birth. The girls are also paid while the children they gave birth to are sold at exorbitant prices. The girls and boys who are working without address may be in such factories scattered here and there.

In a certain place I read this: “Say goodbye to poverty and get rich instantly.” An arrow was pointed towards the impossibility specialization centre. I shook my head in disbelief. I asked myself, “If such thing is possible, then why not the-get-rich specialists become billionaires themselves?” Indeed many have been deceived. The poor who go in there come out poorer. Some go in alive and come out in coffins. Some go in intact and come out with their body parts missing. A pauper went into one of such impossibility centers to become rich. He came out with high hope. But when he was pressed and wanted to urinate, he found out that his manhood was missing. He ran back there and came out dead.

Nowadays, scammers are on rampage. Many have been duped and dumped. They can call you on phone or send you text messages stating that your bank account is being hijacked or has some problem. Then, they give you some details of your bank registration which are correct. Finally, they demand for particular secret information from you. Once you supply it, then the evil deed is done.  Shortly, you get bank debit alert. A certain man got such alert which stated that the two hundred thousand Naira he had in the bank has been collected by the scammers. At once he lost all hope in life. He killed his wife and two children instantly with a kitchen knife. He also killed himself. What will he tell God? Please shine your eyes these days. It may be happening as if you are dreaming or under hypnosis until you come back to your senses. By that time it is already too late.

In conclusion, we all know that only God can make impossible things to be possible. He created heaven and earth by uttering his words only. He gave a child to Abraham and Sarah, Zachary and Elizabeth at a very old age, when Sarah and Elizabeth had entered menopause. By His mighty power, He divided the Red Sea into two for the passage of the Israelites to the Promised Land after their centuries of slavery in Egypt. The Egyptian soldiers sent by the tetrarch Pharaoh to pursue them got drowned in the midst of the Red Sea. Jesus Christ the Son of God died and resurrected after three days. No mere mortal (man) has done so. Only God is omnipotent and omnipresent. He has power to do and undo. On the other hand, man’s power is limited. He can only do the possible by God’s grace. Hence, no man can boost of specializing in impossibility. Therefore, beware of false prophets and deceivers! Avoid ‘had I known’. A dog that is destined to get lost ignores the hunter’s whistle.

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