God’s Mistakes

By Pat Amobi Chukwuma

A certain couple married for twelve years without any issue. They have been to different hospitals for the diagnosis of their problem, but nothing was found medically wrong. Then they resorted to prayer houses for divine solution. After two years of ardent prayer, fasting and charity, the barren woman became pregnant. The couple was intoxicated with extra-ordinary joy. They thanked God for his blessing. The pregnant woman also started her antenatal programme. Her belly was growing bigger every day. In the sixth month, her doctor informed her that she was carrying a set of twins. Her joy was tripled. She ran like the Scriptural Virgin Mary to her hilly village to break the good news to her lovely husband. Hearing about the double blessing, the husband carried his twin pregnant wife on his shoulders and danced for joy. On the night of that day, they did not sleep as they sang praises to the Almighty and benevolent God.

Exactly nine months of the pregnancy, the happy wife gave birth to twin bouncing babies, a girl and a boy. The twin baby girl was yellow in complexion and very beautiful. The baby boy was as black as coal and his right eye was totally blind. His mouth was situated on the position of the nose and vice versa. The parents saw it as God’s mistake. However, they welcomed the twin babies with feelings of joy and sadness. On the naming day they called the baby girl Oluomachukwu (Godsgoodwork) while the disabled baby boy was named Oluojoochukwu (Godsbadwork). Was it actually the mistake of God?

Another couple was blessed with an only female child, who was born without hands and legs. The parents were full of tears. They were asking, “O God, why did you make such a grievous mistake by giving us this deformed child?” Some friends came and suggested to them to throw away the child. If you were in their shoes, would you throw it away? Whose fault was it: God or the parents? Could it be that the drugs that the mother took before and during her pregnancy affected the child adversely in the womb? Or was it accidental?

There was a man who blamed God for creating him a male. According to him, God would have asked him which gender he wanted to be before his conception. He categorically said that God made a serious mistake. In order to correct the mistake, he underwent a plastic surgery and was changed into a woman. Three days after the surgery his/her condition became complicated. The doctors battled enough to keep him/her stable but the more they tried, the worse he/she became. After few days, he/she entered into coma. Unfortunately he/she gave up the ghost two weeks after the plastic surgery. Did God make a second mistake by allowing him/her to die? God created and man recreated. Whose power is greater? Who is man to challenge his Creator by recreating?

The homosexuals are not happy that God created men and women. God also ordained marriage to be between a man and a woman. They regard it as God’s grievous mistake. Hence they reversed marriage and sexual intercourse to be between a man and a man. They feel annoyed in the presence of women, even though they have their own mothers. But when they see men, they rejoice in their midst. If their fathers married their fellow men, would they have been in existence? Some countries have legalized Gay marriage. Something unnatural is now constitutional. A man came to my office with another man. I ushered them in and offered them seats. I asked them of their identity and what I can do for them. The older one smiled. He pointed happily at the other younger man and asserted, “Father, this is my wife.” I thought I was dreaming. Thus I cleared my eyes and asked, “Please, what did you say?” Boldly he said, “This is my precious wife. We have come to fix our wedding date with you.” I stood up and shouted, “What? Wedding between a man and a man? What an abomination! Please find your way because you are in the wrong place.” Both stood up furiously and said together, “Be careful. Do not insult us. We shall sue you in the High Court for insulting our fundamental right.” They banged my door and left. I knelt down and prayed for divine protection and for God’s mercy on the gay couple.

On the other hand, lesbians are those women who find sexual satisfaction in their fellow women. They feel sad in the presence of men. But when they see women, they exult for joy. Some of them have also entered into lesbian marriage. For them, God made a great mistake by creating men. It is their wish that the world should only be inhabited by women. Men should have gone to live in any of the other planets. Scientifically, positive and negative attract each other. Unnaturally today, positive and positive attract each other while negative and negative attract one another.

Recently, an association of fornicators and adulterers staged a protest from a notorious hotel to a nearby church in Freedom City. Their grievance was centered on the 6th Commandment of God: “You shall not commit fornication or adultery.” One of the placards read: “God, if fornication or adultery is sinful, then you made a great mistake by endowing us with the sexual organs.” Another read: “God, you created sex. Therefore do not blame us.” According to them, God would have devised any other means of procreation rather through sex. Is God truly to be blamed for our sexual deviations? Did He not endow us with the freedom of choice and self control? Animals are guided by instinct while human beings are ruled by reason.
A lady was annoyed with God for endowing her with small breasts. Her chest was almost flat like that of a man. According to her, big breasts make a woman attractive. Sadly she asked, “God, where were you on the day I was created? Were you asleep? Why did you make such a big mistake? All my sisters and friends are very much endowed except me?” Later she went to a plastic hospital for breast enlargement. It was successful. However, three months after, her breasts continued to enlarge to the extent that they were touching her knees. She began to complain that her breasts were too big and heavy to bear. Again she blamed God for the over-endowment. She became a topic of discussion in the town. Wherever she went, people mocked her. After some time, she could not bear the mockery any more. She hanged herself later. The suicide note she left behind read: “God, you hate me. I have become the object of laughter. I can’t bear it any longer. Therefore I killed myself in protest.”

God fashioned eyelashes to protect the human eyes from external aggression. They also shield the eyes from dust. Nowadays, women rise in protest and blame God for not making their eyelashes to be longer and seductive. Hence women have made artificial eyelashes and attached them to their God-given eyelashes. Nature and artificiality cannot stay comfortably together. Hence, nature often revolts. One seductive lady went to a fashion supermarket and bought a pair of long artificial eyelashes. At home she sat before her fashion mirror. She began to attach them on top of her natural eyelashes with a very corrosive gum. During the process of the attachment, she was soliloquizing in these words: “God, I hope you are watching. Let me show you how the eyelashes should have been so that you can take correction when you create women in future.” After the attachment, she admired herself before the mirror. The upper one and the lower one were blinking like the eyes of mammy-water. She nodded proudly. Later she began to feel serious itching in both eyes. When the condition became unbearable, she was rushed to the nearest optical hospital. The optician examined her closely. He discovered that the corrosive gum used to do the attachment spilled into her retina and caused some irreparable damages. She was consequently hospitalized. The optician tried his best to save her but all to no avail. At last she was totally blind. She started crying and shouting painfully, “Had I known! God, have mercy!” Indeed, it was too late. Who made the worst mistake: God or the blind lady?

Hear another pathetic story. A particular young lady felt that God made a big mistake by giving her flat buttocks. She felt shy on the street when she sees other ladies swinging their attractive big buttocks left and right. One day she heard that artificial buttocks are being sold in the fashion boutique. The sizes are according to one’s choice. She went to bank and emptied her account to purchase befitting artificial buttocks. She boarded a commercial bus on her way home. The artificial buttocks she bought were concealed in a black wrapping paper. The conductor kept it in the boot of the bus. The fully loaded bus took off. On the way, one of the passengers disembarked at his destination. The conductor opened the boot to bring out his luggage. In the process, the artificial concealed buttock fell down while the wrapping paper fell apart. The conductor could not control his emotional laughter. He held it up amusedly before the passengers sitting inside the bus, asking: “Who is the owner of these buttocks? When we are looking for food to eat, someone is buying artificial buttocks. This world self!” All the passengers claimed ignorant of the owner of the buttocks. The conductor dramatically threw them into the bush. The lady concerned was shy and sad. She lost her money and the buttocks also. Vanity of vanities, all is vanity!

A middle-age man lost his head hairs so early. He was totally bareheaded unlike his age mates. He felt so much annoyed with God for his hairless condition. Most people call him an old man when he attended occasions. He was always asking, “God, why me?” As time went by, he bought artificial hairs and attached them permanently on his bald head. The gum he used was made of dangerous chemical which can dissolve anything it comes into contact with. Thus, it was gradually dissolving his head until the brain began gushing out. All the hospitals he was taken to rejected him. Finding no alternative, his family took him to a powerful native doctor. On the next day he kicked the bucket sorrowfully.

Another man’s head hairs turned totally grey at the age of 30. He caused God for allowing such to happen to him. He couldn’t imagine why his head became totally grey while his biological father had only scanty grey hairs. The most annoying aspect was that people called him Paapa while they called his father Ever-young.

In the Decalogue God commanded: “You shall not kill’ (Exodus 20:13). The armed robbers, kidnappers, Fulani bloody herdsmen, bandits and other bloody evil men in our society feel that God made a silly mistake by giving such a command. Hence they are seriously challenging God in our country Nigeria by mercifully killing innocent persons here and there. Who can withstand the wrath of God, when the time comes?