Corrosive Choices

By Fr Pat Amobi Chukwuma

The popular German philosopher Martin Heidegger lamented that God created man and threw him into the world without consultation. On his own part, Plato maintained that all human beings pre-existed in the World of Ideas before being born into this physical world.

This World of Ideas is equivalent to the mind of God. This can be testified by God’s own words when he called Jeremiah to be the prophet of his people. He said, “Before I formed you in the womb I knew you. Before you were born I set you apart; I appointed you as a prophet to the nations” (Jer. 1:5). I now put it to you. If God consulted you when you were in the World of Ideas, would you have consented coming into this physical and evil world? If yes, give reasons.

If no, give reasons. If your answer is yes, would you have chosen to be a Nigerian? If you had chosen to be a Nigerian, would you have preferred to be an Igbo, Hausa, Yoruba or from any of the minority tribes?

If you were consulted before your conception, would you have chosen to be a male or a female? Would you have chosen to be a hermaphrodite, that is, half man and half woman? Would you have preferred to be an animal which acts from instinct?

It is not doubtful that those who are involved in the act of bestiality would have chosen to be beasts. It is quite obvious that those men who undergo plastic surgery in order to become women are not satisfied with their God-given gender. The same is with those women who transform themselves plastically into men.

The attitude of most women nowadays shows that they are not happy with God over their physical appearance. For them, God was in a hurry to meet up with his creative schedule when he fashioned woman from the rib taken from man. The fashioning was incomplete.

Therefore women have taken up the task of completing what God left undone. These women feel that the quantity and length of eyelashes God gave them are insufficient. Hence most young ladies spend hard earned money to buy extra artificial eyelashes and gum them over the natural ones. When this is done, they blink their eyes like ghosts. Watch out and confirm.

Some of the chemical gums being used are quite dangerous. Not long ago, a certain mosquito lady was attaching the artificial eyelashes to her natural ones. A chemical reaction occurred. The corrosive chemical splashed into her two eyes in the process. There and then, a total eclipse of the eyes took place. Her retina disappeared and her eyeballs melted. She was rushed to the nearest hospital.

The doctor on duty did his best to save her two eyes, but all to no avail. Later she was referred to a Teaching Hospital. The specialist ophthalmologists there did their best. It was an effort in futility. At last she became totally blind till today. Every day she weeps and regrets, “Had I known! God, help me!” If you were God, would you hearken to her voice?

Another mosquito lady attached long artificial hairs which touched her ankles. As she was walking briskly along an ‘apiam’ way, she met a mad dog face to face. It was too late to run. The mad dog barked and caught her at the edge of the extra long artificial hairs.

The insane dog pulled her into a pit and descended violently on her. It bit her beyond recognition. Her nose was chopped off by the sharp teeth of the aggressor. In the course of her medical treatment, her lost nose was replaced with that of a chimpanzee. People now make caricature of her by calling her Lady Chimpanzee.

The last is not yet heard. A choice lady felt that God endowed her with short hairs. In order to correct God’s mistake, she bought a bundle of Italian hairs. She skillfully attached them to her natural hairs. Unknown to her, the hairs belonged to a wicked departed Italian woman.

Afterwards she began to act strangely and wickedly. As she was sleeping on a certain night, the ghost of the wicked dead Italian woman appeared suddenly and woke her up and shouted, “Choice lady, I have come to strike you dead for stealing my long hairs from my grave.” The choice lady screamed and shouted, “I am finished! God please save me!” A voice thundered from above, “Shut up! Stop calling my holy Name in vain.

You are an ingrate. Get up and follow the dead whose hairs you attached in order to mock me, your Creator.” The ghost whisked her away. Till today, her where-about remains a mystery.  Ladies, beware of attachments!

The ladies who attach artificial long nails may encounter lions, tigers or jackals one day. It shall be a survival of the fittest. My people say that anyone who brings ant-infected woods into his house is inviting the ants to pay him or her dangerous visit. I have been reserving the nails I cut over the years. I have now seven packets for the ladies who need nail attachment.

It is better to attach human nails than those of the beasts. It is trade by barter. You collect them and offer me equivalent recharge cards in return. Any man who marries a lady with attached long nails must be cautious before his eyes get pierced. How do those women with long nails eat manually? In fact the long nails can be used as spoons or forks. In a way, they are advantageous and disadvantageous. He who eats with the devil must be at alert for any eventuality.

An overdose lady felt that God cheated her with the small size of her boobs. Thus she spent a huge sum of money and underwent breast enlargement. During the process, her two boobs burst into pieces due to excessive heat in the machine used. Blood flowed like flood. She died at the spot. Standing before the judgment seat of God, the angel on duty ushered her in.

Then God asked her, “Young lady, welcome to the gates of heaven and hell. What killed you on earth? Say nothing but the truth and the whole truth. If you tell lies, you will find it hot.” With heavy tears flowing down her spiritual body she answered, “My God, temper just with mercy. I went to enlarge the breasts you endowed me with because I was not satisfied with their small size.

During the process everything burst. I lost consciousness and found myself here. Please God, give me a second chance. Allow me to go back to the world to make amendment and to warn other ladies who are planning to embark on such stupid enlargement.” God replied, “You are an ingrate. It is too late. I hereby sentence you to the hottest part of hell for tampering with my handiwork.” Satan appeared immediately and whisked her into hell.

Open your ears wider. It is not news to hear that a dog bit someone. But to hear that a human being bit a dog is strange news. Few days ago, a funny and shameful thing happened in a public transport. A young lady with extraordinary buttocks was about to enter a bus. Her movement was impaired because of the oversize of her backyard. All eyes were cast at her.

The bus was about to depart. Thus she was rushing to meet up. As she was entering the bus, she missed her step and crashed like an iroko tree. Indeed the Scripture says that whatever is hidden shall be revealed. Hardly did the passengers and spectators know that she was putting on artificial plastic buttocks.

The pair fell off her body. The conductor picked it and raised it up, shouting “Going! Going!! Gone!!!” The driver, passengers and the gathered crowd laughed beyond control. The laughter affected the steaming bus such that it refused to move forward. Out of shame, the dramatic lady got up and ran into a nearby bush. Consequently, she turned into a bush lady.

As Joshua was about to answer the eternal call, he summoned the Israelites and asked them to choose whom to serve. He and his family chose to serve the living God (Joshua 24:15). Whom do you and I serve? The first Commandment in the Decalogue stipulates: “I am the Lord your God, you shall have no other god but me” (Exodus 20:2). Unfortunately today, many people serve money, power and the flesh.

A large percentage of our baptized youths have turned to idol worship. Some have become native fetish doctors and idol queens (Ezenwaanyi). Often they are sponsored by wealthy men whose grown-up children are either studying or working in big cities or overseas. The idols our fathers and forefathers abandoned for Christianity are today being revived and worshipped.

Some of those in power at various levels in our country Nigeria patronize idols and cultism. No wonder things are falling apart in this country and the centre can no longer hold. The result is evident in bad governance, election malpractices, nepotism, terrorism, banditry, kidnapping, wanton killings, economic hardship, et cetera. The choice we make today can enhance or mare our future. Let us shine our eyes and be prayerful. Oh God, come to our aid!