News Update

Bad Mothering, Bad Fathering Vs Healthy Parenting

By Lady Ifeoma Nwadi

At a corner of a busy market, there was commotion. A woman, a mentally deranged, was in pangs of childbirth. Women rallied round her. Each woman removed her top wrapper and ‘a maternity room’ was instantly formed with their wrappers and a new baby  was born.

The baby yelled and everyone was happy and praised God. The mother of the new born demanded for her baby and accused the women of trying to steal her baby! The mental illness notwithstanding, the mothering instinct kicked in and she became protective of  her baby. She only kept quiet  when her baby was safely put  in her arms. May the top wrappers of women never cease to be available to the needy.

Names in lgboland are meaningful and highly cherished. Nwora is one of such names. Nwora is a significant lgbo name which means, ‘the child belongs to the community’. Everybody contributes to the positive growth of the child. But that was then. Some irresponsible mothers today would not accept the correction of their children. They would treat anyone who tried correcting their children as an intruder, ask them to mind their business and even tell their badly behaved children to ignore them.

Once in a church, ‘a sweet mother’ armed her little children with goodies: biscuits, packets of soft drinks and the likes. While the worship was going on, her children were busy eating, drinking and messing up the church. At the end of the worship, they left the mess and got up to go and were called back by a concerned parishioner. Shamelessly, she asked if they were expected to sweep the church after worship. This is bad mothering in action. The children needed proper parenting.

On an Open Day in a Boarding Secondary School, a mother was sighted washing her sweet baby’s clothings. Her sweet son stood there watching her with an amused face while she complained. She did not prepare her son for a life outside their family and she never believed in dignity of labour. She was a good example of mothers who will not like their children to cry, suffer or work, only to cry themselves when the children are grown, lazy and unable to help themselves.

One wealthy entrepreneur abroad came home end married a pretty young lady who had been pampered to death. She had everything and was not allowed to do any house chores, There were househelps all around. After the wedding, she left with the husband to start a new family, only for the man to realize that she could not help herself talk more of maintaining a home.

The husband brought her back to the mother and promised to come back for her when she must have acquired some home crafts and discipline. This was another case of bad mothering which good parenting would have prevented.

It is really a pity that in cases where female children are trained and prepared for married life, the male members are left out!! They are men who should be served by their female siblings as most families and society believe. This is laying the foundation for male chauvinism and misogyny. Every child in a family should be taught self independence so that when left alone, they would be able to care for themselves.

Is cooking and house chores gender based?

A child must be taught that there is dignity in labour. Teach your child every positive thing teachable.

Mothering should not only be about bringing up a child as a mother. Fathering also should not only be biological. Mothering or fathering should be wholesome and so transcend to healthy and proper parenting. Fathering or mothering should involve more than emotional warmth, personal care end sensory stimulation. Care must be taken to avoid over pampering.

In a way, parenting is a kind of a management style applied to the personal realm. Parenting is associated less with affection and intimacy. It is more of structure and discipline Parenting builds the home, trains the child and ensures self-actualization.

To Ensure Successful Parenting, Parents should:

  1. Have listening ear

When a parent forms the habit of listening attentively to their children, they will tell them more.

  1. Ensure Proper Communication

A proper communication is a two-way process. Your child talks to you and you respond with love. You in turn can give messages which can be ideas, imagination, emotions or thoughts. Communication can be verbal or non-verbal and written. Encourage your children to unburden their minds.

A gentle answer quietens  anger, but harsh one stirs it up. Psalm 15.

  1. Not be Judgmental

Parents should not rush to judgment without reason. They should be open minded.

  1. Understand children at their own level.
  2. Be their Children’s Friend

If your children are not your friend, they will look outside. the home

  1. Explain reasons for their choices to their children

Guide and guard them

  1. Respect their children’s interests: It is advised that parents do not force any career on their children.

Also, mothering or fathering should not be boxed into biological or emotional ability and expectations of giving only love or affection without discipline, planning, corrections, evaluation and so much more Where the man of the house is available, he must also be an ACTIVE PARENT. Parenting must not be left for only women or mothers especially in a clear case where the man is available or even still in the union.

Parenting should be a partnership of a responsible father and a responsible mother, with the sole aim of bringing out the best from their child. This is the way to go in rescuing our derailing youths.