Application for Death

By Fr Pat Amobi Chukwuma

The title of this write-up is Bombastic. It is both attractive and unattractive. It can be scary for some people. My readers will surely be so inquisitive to read through. It may not be humorous as usual. Most people are afraid of death. I doubt if any applicants for death can be found. Do you wish to apply? Think twice before applying.

There is nothing that the eyes can see and then bleed blood over it. There is nothing the ears can hear and then become deaf. There is nothing the nose can smell and then become closed. There is nothing the brain can think over and then burst into pieces.

There are applications and there are applications. If you want to live, then you apply for Life. On the other hand, if you are desirous to die, then you apply for death. The person who writes an application is known as an applicant. As mortals living under the sun, we are all indirect death applicants.

According to the philosophy of Plato, all human beings pre-existed in the world of Ideas before being born into the physical world. It was while unconsciously living in that idealist world that each one of us applied to the Supreme Being to descend on earth. Personally, I am not aware of writing such an application before I was conceived and born. One stupid boy within my apostolic jurisdiction was being scolded for his nonsensical attitudes.

Surprisingly he asserted, “I was on my own when I was conceived and born without my consent.” No wonder Martin Heidegger conclusively opined that man was thrown into the world without consultation. As things stand today from your vantage point of view, would you have consented to be born if the Creator had consulted you when you were in the world of Ideas? In reality, that world of Ideas is the mind of God.

An application letter must be consciously written and signed by the applicant. Therefore, none of us can boast of writing such formal letter before being conceived and born. Our existence on earth is a divine ordinance. On the other hand, our departure from earth to the eternal world carries some responsibilities.

On this aspect, Saint Augustine states clearly that God created us without our cooperation; but he cannot save us without our cooperation. By applying for salvation, we implicitly apply for death. Death is the biological end of human life and the beginning of eternal life in the spiritual world.

In writing application for death, we must bear in mind the purpose and the consequences.  It is true that Shakespeare says that death is a necessary end which must come when it will come. However, we must be weary of suicide which is a type of death. Suicide is the willful killing of oneself by any means whatsoever. It can be avoided by taking life easy. Greed and despair can lead someone into suicide.

An Igbo proverb asserts that it is by being overzealous that a bullet hits the monkey on the forehead. ‘Had I known’ always comes last. It is indeed better to be late than the late. There is no dead body that gives account of its unfortunate end. The motto of the Young Christian Students (YCS) is: “See, judge and act.” Some people judge before seeing. Some others act before judging. Only a few see, judge and act upon.

At this point, I have cleared the bush well before cultivating. My farm will surely bear good fruit, if the hearers do not possess fancy ears and blind eyes. The eyes can become blind by disease or carelessness. The optician can only help when the worst damage has not been done. So, give me your ears!

I was driving through a busy suburb road. At a point I saw a bold writing on a wall: “APPLICATION! APPLICATION!! APPLICATION!!! Are you jobless? Then, apply for a lucrative daily job of N15,000 per day. Apply in person or call 00419419419. First come, first served!” Immediately, I brought out my calculator and multiplied fifteen thousand Naira by 365 calendar days, which gives me N5,475,000 per annum.

I exclaimed, “What a juicy job, but…!” Then I said, “The employer in question must be a miracle worker.” Even though I have many jobless relations and friends, I didn’t want to lead them into temptation because at a second thought, I convinced myself that such juicy application must be a scam. The applicant can apply in person or by phone call and end up fatally.

The road safety instruction placed beside a dangerous road reads: “Drive with care! Many have gone!” Similarly I admonish job seekers to apply with care, for many have been brutally murdered or got missing. One of my parishioners came into my office with heavy tears and narrated how his jobless brother answered a phone call for employment opportunity somewhere. He was given the direction. Happily he travelled to the place five years ago. Till today he has neither been seen nor heard. Who knows if he is still alive? Many have gone! Many are missing! Many are dead!

This world has summersaulted. Things have really fallen apart and the center can no longer hold. Traps are everywhere waiting for unfortunate victims to explode. Scammers are a here and there. Yahoo boys are doing their bloody and horrific businesses. They can hack your money in the bank in various ways. They can also hack your voice and your life.

Beware of diabolic phone calls and messages. Beware of verbal and written applications that have dubious addresses. Many who have gone to such places for employment opportunities were duped, raped or dismembered for ritual purposes. Many of those declared missing are no longer in this planet. They have gone forever. Even some of the meats sold in certain markets are human bodies. Some dry meats and ‘suya’ are human flesh.

Unintentionally, many people are cannibals. No one can swear that he or she has not eaten human flesh in one way or the other. Always shine your eyes well and be prayerful when you are buying or consuming any meat.

Recently, a certain human butcher met his waterloo on his way to the market. He came out from a secret human abattoir and boarded a taxi. His bag of meat was inserted into the booth of the taxi cab. Along the road some policemen on stop and search were on duty. They stopped the taxi cab when they noticed blood dripping on the road. The commercial car was instantly searched.

The bloody bag was opened. The content was frightening. It contained body parts of a fresh young and beautiful lady. The head, breasts and vagina were rapped separately. These three body parts are on high demand by ritualists, cultists and get rich quick seekers. They are also costlier than other human parts.

The policemen arrested the owner of the body bag after interrogating the driver and his five passengers. The suspect was consequently detained and charged to court for willful murder and cannibalism. His corroborators in-crime and buyers were also arrested and charged to court as well. They were later convicted and hanged.

In conclusion, all those who engage in divulging certain personal information, going to certain dubious places as directed by fake employers, boarding one-chance vehicles and being lured through poisonous drinks or money offer are indirectly applying for death. It is better to be jobless than to be lifeless. Sending Nigerian soldiers to go and fight in Niger Republic is a quick application for death. Rigging oneself into power is not different from coup d’etat.